20 Responses To Telemarketers

Have you ever wanted to answer the phone to a telemarketer and annoy them like they annoy you?
Read the best responses to telemarketers.

 

Responses to Telemarketers

Telemarketers can be very annoying. They tend to ring too often and at times when you can’t really speak to them. In this post, we have made a list of things you can tell them when they call. Read and choose what you are going to tell your next victim.

 

NOTICE: The following responses have all been tested and approved for use on telemarketers. No animals were harmed in the testing.

1If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

2If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died…"

3If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

4This works great if you are male. Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company. " You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"

5Cry out in surprise, "Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.

6Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

7If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends, would you be my friend?"

8If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"

9After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you can't just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

10Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, and they can't sell to employees.

11Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, scream, "Oh my God!" and then hang up.

12Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me either!" Hang up.

13Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

14Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.

15Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some beer.

16Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.

17Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I'll listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."

18Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"

19Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up… louder… louder…

20Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write every word down.