50 Short Jokes You Will Love

You only need a minute to read and laugh with these short jokes.
Read these short Jokes that will make you laugh.

 

50 Short Jokes

Do you like short, fast and easy-to-make-you-laugh jokes? Here you will find a list of 50 of the best short jokes. Read and enjoy a laugh, and make sure you share them with your friends and family.

1There were two peanuts walking down a dark alley, one was assaulted.

2What did the 0 say to the 8? Nice belt!

3What’s brown and sounds like a bell? Dung!

4Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine.

5My friend asked me to help him round up his 37 sheep. I said “40”.

6Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He needed a little space.

7What did a snowman say to the other? Nice balls.

8I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.

9I've decided to sell my Hoover – it was just collecting dust.

10How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.

11How does NASA organise a party? They planet.

12Why do we tell actors to ‘break a leg’? Because every play has a cast.

13This is my step ladder. I never knew my real ladder.

14How do you keep an idiot in suspense?

15What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eye deer.

16Within minutes, the detective knew exactly what the murder weapon was. It was a brief case.

17I know loads of jokes about cash machines. I just can’t think of one atm.

18I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.

19Two penguins walk into a bar... which is stupid because the second one should have seen it.

20What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved.

21I went on a once in a lifetime holiday. Never again.

22Have you heard of the blind cyclops brothers? Neither have eye.

23I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.

24How does it feel when you cross a melon with a cauliflower? Melancholy.

25I broke two of my Dad’s Queen records. Now I want to break three.

26The past, present and future walk into a bar. It was tense.

27I hate Russian dolls... so full of themselves.

28Exaggerations went up by a million percent last year.

29I didn’t think vodka could help my problems. But it was worth a shot.

30I totally understand why people work at fragrance factories. Makes scents.

31What do you call friends you like to eat with? Taste buds.

32A warning to the person who stole my glasses. I have contacts!

33They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now.

34Where do you find a cow with no legs? Right where you left it.

35I hate autocorrect. It always makes me say things I didn’t Nintendo.

36How do you put a baby astronaut to sleep? You rocket.

37For years I was against organ transplants. Then I had a change of heart.

38I didn’t eat anything other than brown bread for dinner. That was my wholemeal.

39How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.

40I say no to alcohol, it just doesn't listen.

41What do you do if an idiot throws a grenade at you? - Pull the pin and throw it back at him!

42He who laughs last thinks slowest.

43Why don't cannibals eat clowns? - Because they taste funny.

44Do not underestimate your abilities. That is your boss's job.

45Two years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf. I haven’t heard from him since.

46What do you call a one-armed man doing karate? Partial arts.

47I had to change dentists. The last one hurt my fillings.

48I have a talent where I can see inside wrapped presents. It’s a gift.

49What’s more expensive, a ladder or a diamond? The latter.

50I started a business building yachts in my attic. Sails are through the roof.

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