The Best 20 Teacher Jokes

Read these Teacher Jokes that will make you laugh out loud.
Teacher Jokes.

Teachers have a very important and inspirational job, but they are like parents, they have their rules and most importantly, they give you homework and they give you exams to do. Those affected by your punishments and obligations need something to laugh at. 

Whether you are a student or a teacher you are definitely going to laugh at this list of Teacher Jokes we have compiled for you to laugh out loud. If you're a teacher, we're not trying to hurt your feelings, remember we're just joking. 

1. Teacher: You missed school yesterday, didn't you?

Student: Not really.

2. I said to my teacher, "I don't think I deserved zero for this exam.

She said, "I agree, but I couldn't give you any less."

3. My teacher always tells me to follow my dreams, but she won't let me sleep in class.

4. When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a traffic violation said she was a schoolteacher.

The judge rose from the bench and said, "Madam, I've waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court."

Then he smiled as he said, "Now, sit down at that table and write 500 times, 'I will not pass through a red light.'"

5. A teacher was asked to fill out a special questionnaire for the state.

One question said, "Give two reasons for entering the teaching profession."

The teacher wrote: "July and August."

6. My teacher asked me today, "If your Dad earned $1,000 a week and gave your Mum half, what would she have?"

I said, "A heart attack."

7. Student: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn't do?

Teacher: Of course not.

Student: Good, because I didn't do my homework.

8. Teachers said I'd never be any good at poetry because I'm dyslexic.

Well, I’ve had the last laugh because I've just made two jugs and a vase.

9. Teacher: Billy if there are 5 birds on a fence and you shoot 1 how many birds are left?

Billy: None the others would fly away at the sound of the gun.

Teacher: The answer is 4 but I like the way you think.

Billy: I have a question, Miss. There are 3 women eating ice cream cones. 1 licking, 1 biting, and 1 sucking, which one is married?

Teacher blushing, nervously answers “the one sucking.”

Billy: The answer is the one wearing the wedding ring, but I like the way you think.

10. The teacher said to his class one day, "Please stand up, anyone who thinks they're stupid."

Nobody stood up so the teacher said, "I'm sure there are some stupid students in this class!"

At this point, Little Johnny stood up.

The teacher said, "Oh Johnny! So you think you're stupid then?"

Little Johnny replied, "No, I just felt bad that you were standing up on your own."

11. An old teacher asked her student

"If I say, 'I am beautiful,' which tense is that?"

The student replied, "It is obviously past."

12. Teacher: Name something beginning with E that you are not very good at.

Student: Spelling!

13. “Hey man, did your Geography teacher tell you what the newest US state is?”

“ I don’t know, but Alaska.”

14. Thank you to my first-grade teacher for explaining the word "many" to me.

It means a lot.

15. I got into a fight with a math teacher the other day.

Frankly, it all went smoothly. We put aside our differences and to sum it all up; we got rid of the negatives.

16. Don't you hate it when a teacher lies and says the homework will be a piece of cake?

It always tastes like paper.

17. A university student wanted to sit next to one of his teachers at lunch

However, the teacher looked at the student with an arrogant face and said:

"A swan shan't be friends with a pig."

"Then I shall fly on," answered the student with a smile.

The teacher was clearly vexed by the cheeky reply and decided to make sure to do everything in his power to fail the student at the exams.

At the oral exam, he gave the student the hardest questions, but the student had amazing answers for everything. Therefore, hoping he could still fail his victim, the teacher asked him a trickier question:

"You're walking on a road and you find two bags. One contains gold, the other cleverness. Which bag do you choose?"

"The gold."

"Unfortunately, I don't agree. I'd choose cleverness because that's more important than money."

"Everyone would choose what they don't have," says the student.

The teacher turns red, and he's so angry he writes "ass" on the student's paper. The student leaves without looking at the paper. However, he returns shortly, gives back his paper and says:

"Excuse me, sir, you did sign my paper, but you forgot to give my grade!"

18. A new teacher joined in the school

Teacher- "Boys, tell me your names and hobbies"

1st boy- My name is Jack. My hobby is watching Moon.

2nd boy- My name is Harry. And my hobby is watching Moon.

3rd boy- My name is George & hobby is watching Moon.

Teacher- "Wow nice, your hobbies are the same... Now girls' turn..."

1st girl- "Hello mam, my name is Moon"

19. The teacher tells the class: "Whoever gets the next question right, can go home early."

Benjamin throws his pencil to the front of the class. The teacher picks it up and asks: "Who was that?"

Benjamin: "Me, have a nice day."

20. Teacher: Johnny, you know you can't sleep in my class.

Johnny: I know. But maybe if you were just a little quieter, I could.

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