Best 30 Money Jokes

Money can buy happiness... with these money jokes that will make your day!
Money Jokes

Money Jokes

They say money can't buy happiness... But we'd rather cry in our Ferrari, right? To be honest, money isn't always something funny to laugh at, but we wanted to make it a funnier topic with this compilation of money jokes that will make you laugh and forget the seriousness of this issue that can be tricky sometimes.

1My parents, age 25: "We have a mortgage, a baby and a pension plan!" Me, age 25: "It's 3am and I can't afford an uber good thing I wore my running shoes!"

2What do you get if you cross a sorceress with a millionaire? A very witch person.

3Why is money called dough? Because we all knead it!

4If time is money are ATM's time machines?

5What is brown and has a head and a tail but no legs? A penny.

6Why is it a penny for your thoughts but you have to put your two cents in? Somebody’s making a penny.

7That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything and all you can think is "act natural, you're innocent".

8Why did the mean teacher walk around with her purse open? She d read there was going to be some change in the weather.

9What coin doubles in value when half is deducted? A half dollar.

10What's the best part about Valentine's Day? The day after when all the chocolate goes on sale.

11What book do women like the most? Their husband's checkbook.

12Circumcision is popular because Jewish girls won't touch anything that's not at least 15% off.

13How much money does a skunk have? One scent!

14What's the difference of deer nuts and beer nuts? Beer nuts are a $1.75, but deer nut are under a buck.

15Where do bees keep their money? In a honey box.

16Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash!

17The best way of saving money is to forget who you borrowed it from.

18I saw a homeless guy on the street with a sign that said, “One day, this could be you.” I put my money back in my pocket, just in case he’s right.

19The boy that used to bully me at school is still taking my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes great Subway sandwiches.

20I won $3 million on the lottery this weekend so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity. Now I have $2,999,999.75.

21Is everything expensive or I'm just broke all the time?

22How do you hide money from a hippie? Put it under the soap.

23Yesterday I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy. You can't imagine the happiness I felt as I saw him put his pistol back in his pocket.

24Why did your sister feed money to her cow ? Because she wanted to get rich milk.

25Personal financing is very…INTERESTing.

26Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it.

27Retirement is the time in your life when time is no longer money.

28Why shouldn’t you carry two half dollars in your pocket? Because two halves make a whole (hole), and you could lose your money.

29Money isn’t everything, but it definitely keeps you in touch with your children.

30What’s the best way to get in touch with your long-lost relatives? Win the lottery.