Top 10 Doctor Jokes

Make your visits to the doctor a little nicer with these doctor jokes.


Doctor Jokes

Going to the doctor is never easy and we usually don’t spend nice times there. To make it easier, why don’t you read this top 10 doctor jokes? You won’t regret and this will draw a smile on your face whenever you have to go through these hard times.

1Why do doctors slap babies butts right after they are born? To knock the penises off the smart ones.

2A scientist tells a pharmacist, “Give me some prepared tablets of acetylsalicylic acid.” “Do you mean aspirin?” asks the pharmacist. The scientist slaps his forehead. “That’s it!” he says. “I can never remember the name.”

3A patient at my daughter’s medical clinic filled out a form. After Name and Address, the next question was “Nearest Relative.” She wrote “Walking distance.”

4Doctor: "Look, you're going to have to stop masturbating." Patient: "Why?" Doctor: "Because I'm trying to examine you!"

5What’s the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist? One treats what you have, the other thinks you have what he treats.

6“Doctor, doctor, every time I drink a cup of hot chocolate I get a stabbing pain in the eye.” Doctor: “Try taking the spoon out first.”

7“Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.” Doctor: Next time, take off the candles!

8Why did the witch go to the doctor? She had a dizzy spell.

9After giving birth, I quit my job. The exit questionnaire asked, “What steps would have prevented you from leaving?” My answer: “Birth control.”

10The best doctor in the world is the veterinarian. He can’t ask his patients what is the matter – he’s got to just know.